Yes, I actually watched the whole thing.

We got three hours worth of AI in two nights. Competition night: Carrie and Bo get three songs each, and three phone numbers each. Journey through season four of AI, yadda yadda yadda.

Results night: Here’s where things get mildly entertaining. There is an opening act by the Final 12 minus Carrie and Bo that looks mysteriously like an Old Navy commercial. Mikalah got a crazy haircut and I got duped into thinking Anwar chopped his dreadlocks off because he was temporarily transformed into poor man’s Lenny Kravitz. The group singing still sounds pretty tragic, as they have not yet learned how to harmonize. They may want to work on that before they go on tour.

There’s a Bo Bice party hosted by a very drunk LaToya London in Alabama, and a Carrie Underwood party hosted by a very hyper Matt Rogers in Oklahoma. Some interviews with the judges and one of those really bad fake Ford commercials. They do the top 3 emotional moments of the auditions, which includes the girl who pawned her wedding ring for $200 to go to the auditions and the mom who passes out because her son made it to Hollywood. the drama.

I might have my sequence of events out of order here, but then there is a replay of what was possibly the most ridiculous AI audition ever – this girl singing the national anthem – the ENTIRE national anthem - and then the best part of this whole clip is that as it gets near the end of the anthem, the camera pans to the stage and THERE SHE IS, they actually got this girl to come to the Kodak Theater and sing the end of the anthem LIVE. Oh goodness that was entertaining. That girl has got cajones, let me tell you.

Carrie and Bo sing a song together and I think the band screwed up, but whatever. They do journey through Bo and Carrie’s AI lives, and you see how Carrie’s eyebrows have gotten progressively thinner and Bo has gotten progressively older.

They do the Top 10 worst audition and the highlight of this for me was seeing Leroy again. Can you dig it? There’s also a reeeeally bad fake “exposè” on Simon, which I suppose is meant to be a parody of the Corey Clark incident, but it really wasn’t funny at all and lasts much longer than necessary and turns out to be the biggest waste of tv airtime ever.

There is an “Idols singing with their idols” segment in which we see Rascal Flatts, Kenny G, George Benson, Lynyrd Skynyrd and some other people I don’t remember. What I do remember is that generally speaking, everyone sounded terrible and I can’t help but be sad for the people who are going to buy tickets to see them on tour this summer. Every time Mikalah comes onto my tv I get the serious chills. Man she creeps me out. That reminds me that there was another segment where she does interviews on the red carpet and I could barely watch her because she is so unbelievably irritating I wanted to throw my remote control at the tv.

In the midst of this unnecessarily long two hour finale there is a commercial for a new show coming out this summer on Fox called “So you think you can dance” which is for all intents and purposes AI for dancers. I CAN’T WAIT. The only thing better than watching people who can’t sing embarrass themselves on national tv is watching people who can’t dance embarrass themselves on national tv.

Finally, Carrie gets crowned as the new AI in her mermaid dress. Could they not do this sooner and made it a half hour elimination episode like the rest of them were? She’s like a blonde version of Kelly Clarkson, but cuter and less anorexic looking and more country sounding. Okay, I guess not very much like Kelly Clarkson at all. Let’s just hope there’s no “From Bo to Carrie” movie.