The New Kids must be so disappointed

Watched a (new?) episode of Punk’d and I must say, a) Simon Cowell wears the most ridiculously too small t-shirts ever, and Ashton imitating that was HYSTERICAL; and b) little Olivia from the Cosby Show has gained quite a bit of weight, no? I couldn’t stop cracking up when the fake cop kept calling her Rudy Huxtable.

Additionally, I am OUTRAGED that Joey McIntyre got booted off Dancing with the Stars last nite! Although I guess it’s irrelevant because John Hurley is totally going to win the whole competition anyway.

Btw, Chris’ talking pimple on Family Guy this week? GROSS!

How has this show survived 16 seasons?

Real World Austin is upon us and already I hate most of the housemates. However, that being said, Danny from Massachusetts is a pretty good looking guy, too bad he is probably a BoSox fan, and also probably a man whore, based on his actions in the first episode. He also thinks Melinda is gorgeous, and I disagree. But then again, she makes out with another one of the girls, Rachel, within the first 15 minutes or so of the season, so I guess that does make her kind of hot. Or at least makes all the guys think she’s kind of hot. Which if by “hot” we really mean “skanky” then yes, she’s hot.

I wonder if MTV knows that every time they do another season of Real World it’s just an excuse for another seven person orgy. Oh, of course they know – that’s why they do it.

Oh, and Danny isn’t so good looking anymore after he gets punched in the face by random guy at the bar and ends up with a really f-ed up eye socket. Man, way to pace yourself through a whole season of Real World adventures.

the tv draught continues

Did anyone watch the premiere of I Want to Be a Hilton? It makes me very angry that NONE of the contestants, including the one who lives in NY, knew what the 21 Club was. Gosh, what a bunch of IDIOTS! And the asian girl who won’t stop singing? Out of control. These contestants are all a bunch of monkeys. I love it.

And I cannot even tell you how much I enjoy watching Joey McIntyre and John Hurley in Dancing With the Stars. Pure entertainment! Who wants to take dance lessons with me?

need shows to watch

Sorry for the lack of blogging guys. Aside from the fact that I have actually been busy at work *gasp* my blog dies a slow and tragic death, but it’s not my fault that the only things worth watching on tv right now are Entourage and Family Guy. But I do rather enjoy Dancing With the Stars and Hell’s Kitchen. I liked The Cut the first week I watched it but quickly got tired of it after 1) a contestant named Princess tried to ghetto-fabulous a navigator by decking the entire inside with fur, and 2) they let the gay guy go to the People’s Choice Awards as a red carpet reporter and he didn’t know the names of ANY of the celebrities.

OH, Fire Me Please. Please watch, people. Pure entertainment, and it’s my dream to do what these people do – who wouldn’t want to work at a clothing store and walk around singing showtunes all day? Getting to know you, getting to know all about you...

Real World Austin here I come.

Reality Overload

I thought it was really tragic that Joey McIntyre had stooped to doing a reality show like Dancing with the Stars, but I can’t help but find myself rooting for him. I hope it’s him vs. J Peterman in the finale. Has anyone seen Mad Hot Ballroom? Between watching that movie and now watching this show, I am quickly learning that I want ballroom dancing lessons. Anyone know how to do the Quick Step?

Oh, and Fire Me Please!? These people are my heroes. They are giving me great ideas on how I might try to get myself fired.

Aren't there ANY good shows out there for me to watch? Even I cannot take this much reality tv.

Summer TV Sucks

Okay, I think my blog is dying a slow and torturous death here, mainly because there are NO good shows on anymore and quite frankly, I think I’m the only one watching any of these really bad new reality shows. For example, last night was the premiere of The Scholar, where high school smarty pants compete for a scholarship to a “prestigious university” and are judged by a Randy-Paula-Simon-like “scholarship committee.” Lame.

The only honorable mention is Entourage, which started up again this weekend, but I haven’t watched it yet. I’ve also got some new Lisa Kudrow show on deck, but that lady has zero range in her acting abilities so I’m not holding high hopes for that show.

People need to start telling me which shows I should be watching and writing about, or I may have to put an end to the torture. Let’s face it, I am probably the only one who gives a crap about Dancing with the Stars. In the meantime, I’ve got OC reruns to keep me occupied. Anyone want to hear about The Harbour High School Kickoff Carnival?

Back to your regularly scheduled programming

I’m back from my break and my goodness I don’t even know where to start. Someday you should ask me about my trip to California and the traumatizing events that took place within the first hour after I landed in San Jose. This is all after my adventurous long weekend that I spent drunk and/or hungover more than 50% of the time. I think it’s all probably more entertaining than my tv blog. But this is a tv blog, and not Cindy’s Diary, so back to business.

I checked out a bunch of the new reality shows over the weekend, and here are my thoughts:

Hell’s Kitchen: Watching Gordon Ramsey torture these wannabe chefs is almost painful. But not as painful as watching him torture the customers too during the so-called grand opening of the Hell’s Kitchen restaurant. I know that all reality shows have some elements of being totally staged, but really, could this show be any more scripted?
Dancing with the Stars: My guilty pleasure reality show for the summer. I totally get a kick out of watching celebrities learn to dance and then compete against each other. Slightly ashamed that Joey McIntyre has stooped to this level, but hey, more entertainment for me. I mean, Joey McIntyre, John Hurley (aka J. Peterman), Trista… this is an all-star cast here. My only problem with this show is that it is hosted the America’s Funniest Home Videos guy, and he just irks me.

Hit Me Baby One More Time: Simply awful. I can’t even expend any more energy talking about it.

Beauty and the Geek: Quite possibly going to be the funniest new reality show of the summer. The collection of beauties and geeks they found to participate on this show are in a class of their own. The hotties are hot but stupid, and we’ve got everything from a lingerie model to a dancer for the Sixers to a “life size Barbie model.” I swear. On the geek side, there are Mensa members (Jeff Jacobsen anyone?), the guy who has never kissed a girl, and the Vice President of the Dukes of Hazzards Fan Club. I kid you not. I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried.

The beauties and the geeks pair up and each week the geek/beauty couples compete against each other in ridiculous challenges. For week one, the girls are tested on 5th grade material (such as naming 3 states that start with the word “New” – and believe it or not, she was only able to come up with one) and the guys are tested on their dancing skills. I can’t remember the last time I laughed so much.

There’s even some scandal for those of you who are into that. One of the hotties develops a crush on one of the geeks that she is not paired up with and ends up making out with him. This of course causes raging jealousy with the geek she IS paired up with. The drama!

This is some seriously entertaining stuff guys, you really should watch, it’s a good time. What else did we expect from the guy who brought us Punk’d?

Time for a time out

The PWT wedding of Rob & Amber actually wasn’t THAT bad. I did sort of like her dress, but not her hair. Although it was really just two hours of nonsense. And not enough drama to justify having their wedding televised. However, Colin Cowie does have the best job ever.

That’s all I really have to say because a) I don’t think Rob & Amber’s wedding is worth spending any more time on than I already have, b) I have not watched the season finale of Lost yet, and c) I’m still recovering from an excessively active Memorial Day weekend that caused me to be hungover for two days so I’m too exhausted to think of witty things to write about anything, much less television.

My blog is going on vacation for a few days while I’m in California. But don’t worry, my DVR is set and ready to record several really bad reality shows that are starting this week so I will have plenty of material waiting when I get back. Time to pack.

Yes, I actually watched the whole thing.

We got three hours worth of AI in two nights. Competition night: Carrie and Bo get three songs each, and three phone numbers each. Journey through season four of AI, yadda yadda yadda.

Results night: Here’s where things get mildly entertaining. There is an opening act by the Final 12 minus Carrie and Bo that looks mysteriously like an Old Navy commercial. Mikalah got a crazy haircut and I got duped into thinking Anwar chopped his dreadlocks off because he was temporarily transformed into poor man’s Lenny Kravitz. The group singing still sounds pretty tragic, as they have not yet learned how to harmonize. They may want to work on that before they go on tour.

There’s a Bo Bice party hosted by a very drunk LaToya London in Alabama, and a Carrie Underwood party hosted by a very hyper Matt Rogers in Oklahoma. Some interviews with the judges and one of those really bad fake Ford commercials. They do the top 3 emotional moments of the auditions, which includes the girl who pawned her wedding ring for $200 to go to the auditions and the mom who passes out because her son made it to Hollywood. the drama.

I might have my sequence of events out of order here, but then there is a replay of what was possibly the most ridiculous AI audition ever – this girl singing the national anthem – the ENTIRE national anthem - and then the best part of this whole clip is that as it gets near the end of the anthem, the camera pans to the stage and THERE SHE IS, they actually got this girl to come to the Kodak Theater and sing the end of the anthem LIVE. Oh goodness that was entertaining. That girl has got cajones, let me tell you.

Carrie and Bo sing a song together and I think the band screwed up, but whatever. They do journey through Bo and Carrie’s AI lives, and you see how Carrie’s eyebrows have gotten progressively thinner and Bo has gotten progressively older.

They do the Top 10 worst audition and the highlight of this for me was seeing Leroy again. Can you dig it? There’s also a reeeeally bad fake “exposè” on Simon, which I suppose is meant to be a parody of the Corey Clark incident, but it really wasn’t funny at all and lasts much longer than necessary and turns out to be the biggest waste of tv airtime ever.

There is an “Idols singing with their idols” segment in which we see Rascal Flatts, Kenny G, George Benson, Lynyrd Skynyrd and some other people I don’t remember. What I do remember is that generally speaking, everyone sounded terrible and I can’t help but be sad for the people who are going to buy tickets to see them on tour this summer. Every time Mikalah comes onto my tv I get the serious chills. Man she creeps me out. That reminds me that there was another segment where she does interviews on the red carpet and I could barely watch her because she is so unbelievably irritating I wanted to throw my remote control at the tv.

In the midst of this unnecessarily long two hour finale there is a commercial for a new show coming out this summer on Fox called “So you think you can dance” which is for all intents and purposes AI for dancers. I CAN’T WAIT. The only thing better than watching people who can’t sing embarrass themselves on national tv is watching people who can’t dance embarrass themselves on national tv.

Finally, Carrie gets crowned as the new AI in her mermaid dress. Could they not do this sooner and made it a half hour elimination episode like the rest of them were? She’s like a blonde version of Kelly Clarkson, but cuter and less anorexic looking and more country sounding. Okay, I guess not very much like Kelly Clarkson at all. Let’s just hope there’s no “From Bo to Carrie” movie.

…you don’t know Jack.

I’m pretty much willing to forgive 24 for the abundance of plotholes this season after monday's riveting season finale. That and the fact that both Michelle and David Palmer use the same cell phone as me. However, that won't keep me from commenting on a few things. Okay, many things. I have a lot to comment on (it was a two hour show, what do you want from me?) and I clearly have nothing to do at work, so work with me here.

Could the warhead missile interception have been ANY more anticlimactic? All that for a tiny little *poof* in the air, that incidentally happens to be in the line of Keifer's sight at the time of interception? Yeah, okay. I'm still confused as to how they were able to spot it on the radar and shoot it down if it was so "stealth" (all that little gadget they found in Marwan's helicopter do was show CTU the missile's flight pattern, NOT see where it was in real-time) when they couldn't find the 50-times-as-big "stealth bomber" that shot down Air Force One - what the hell ever happened to poor man's Conan O'Brien anyway?

Oh Mandy, you came and you found me a turkey. Okay, that had nothing to do with anything, but I hear Mandy, and I think turkey. (10 points for anyone who has any idea why). I didn't realize female terrorists could be so cute (yet creepy all at the same time). You'd think a skirt that short would impede her from operating effectively. When I wear skirts like that I can barely walk, much less dropkick a guy who is trying to attack me while handcuffed behind the back (oh Tony, what were you thinking?). But I guess if you are going to bring back Mandy from the handshake-of-death season, might as well do it fashionably.

Man, has Audrey had a rough day or what? She gets kidnapped and almost killed, her brother gets tortured by CTU, her husband dies, her brother gets shot by Marissa Cooper, then has to break up with Keifer only to be told a few minutes later that he's been killed. I'd be ready to slit my wrists if I were her. Kind of like Erin Driscoll's crazy daughter.

I'm super impressed that aside from getting clipped in the arm by Marwan in the final hour, Curtis survived the whole day! Someone who I guess did NOT survive though is Behrooz, never did find out what happened to him. Maybe he'll be meeting Keifer at the border when he gets there. He can be Keifer's sidekick next season. Although now that Keifer is a fugitive and relocating to Mexico, does that mean he's going to change his name to Pedro and work for the Mexican government?

Did anyone else think it was STRANGE that after the elaborate scheme to fake Keifer's death (which btw, was somehow contrived in the span of about 3 minutes), Palmer was just standing around in the hallway talking OPENLY with Keifer on the phone? "HI JACK. Good to hear from you. I'm glad you MADE IT OUT OKAY. HEY EVERYONE, you hear that? JACK IS ALIVE!!" seriously. I thought it was supposed to be a secret, no? It seemed like in the last hour, the 24 writers were suddenly thinking "oh crap, we ran out of time" and had everything play out in warp speed to fit it all in. Because honestly, LA is not THATCLOSE to the border. So either Tony and Michelle drove Keifer out in a teleportation SUV, or Keifer has got one hell of a long walk to Mexico ahead of him. Though incidentally, he was walking east into the sunrise, and last I checked, Mexico was to the south.

The next season of 24: JANUARY 2006?!?! that blows. Do they seriously want me to wait more than half a year to watch this show again? Although I guess it will take them at least that long to figure out what the hell they are going to do now that Keifer is a Mexican. They are toying with my emotions here, which is REALLY rude after the emotional roller coaster that was the final 30 minutes of season 4.

I'll tell you one thing - if CTU is still part of the picture in season 5, those CTU agents should really work on their "perimeters," because they were not so good at it, for the record.