forever young

Oh the horror, Marissa is off to public school! Newport Union kids are not so nice, and can you imagine the horror of going to a school dance with NO THEME? Absurd. Ryan is jealous, Seth is adorable as usual, and Summer uncovers the truth about Taylor Townsend the social bitch sleeping with Dean Asshole. I could only dream up this kind of high school drama.

Over on the grown up side of town, we learn that Charlotte is a money scheming whore, and Kirsten is going to learn how to cook now that she won’t be working at the Newport Group anymore. As if. Sandy, better get those take out menus ready. Julie Cooper-Nichols-almost-Cooper-again is now poor and homeless, does that make her next in line to need some sort of rehab?

are you him? yes i'm not.

I just watched an entire episode of Lost that seemed to consist solely of things that technically happened last week.

First, we rewind to what happens after the pirates kidnap Walt. Jin is all kinds of missing, and Sawyer and Michael fight like an old married couple, a lot. We get to flashback to Michael’s past and seeing Walt taken away from him, but not before Michael gives him a stuffed polar bear. There goes that polar bear reference again. And how many different times can they show Walt being taken away from Michael? It's like the same flashback ten different ways.

Then, we rewind again to last week to watch Locke going down the hatch after Kate, and have a nice chat with Desmond, who I now realize is the guy that was running up and down the stadium steps with Jack in one of his flashbacks last week. Kate gets locked up in what turns out to be an oversized pantry and has a chocolate bar before climbing into the vents, and now we learn that she gets to watch the standoff that took place last week between Jack and Desmond. They basically took the last ten minutes of last week’s episode, and stretched it out into its own almost entire episode.

Meanwhile, back in the ocean, Michael and Sawyer get attacked by what appears to be a possessed shark bred by the “others” but somehow survive and find themselves drifted back towards the island come daylight. Here they find Jin, who has polished up on his English enough to sputter the word “others” and wouldn’t you know it, here they come. With big spiky sticks. I certainly wouldn’t want to end up on THEIR bad side.

Oh yeah and btw, The Martha Stewart Apprentice is getting some god awful ratings, but I am personally rather enjoying it.

west side highway to the UES?

Yeah, so I was totally going to actually leave the house today to run errands and be productive, but it is pouring out, so… looks like another day of tv for me.

This week brings the season of Amazing Race Family Edition. My initial reactions about some of the teams:

The Paolo Family: Off the bat, I immediately hate them. They spend so much time screaming at each other (except for the dad, who sits in stone cold silence through it all) that you just want to bitch slap them.

The Linz Family: I find myself rooting for them, I think because I find the youngest brother Tommy to be kind of a hottie. But I also like the idea of siblings running this race together. Of course, that being said, I HATE the Godlewski Family of all sisters, because they spend so much time shrieking that I start to wonder if they even know how to speak at normal volume.

The Black Family: I am slightly disturbed that the Black Family is actually the token black family. It’s a little weird. Especially when they do the “Black Family!” cheer.

The Aiello Family: Boston fans, no further comment.

So the race starts in good old New York, where teams are told to drive across the Brooklyn Bridge and find the EMS store in SoHo, then a hot dog stand on the UES, and then over the GW Bridge to Pennsylvania. I supposed I’d be just as bad off if I were in the same situation in Cincinnati or something, but seriously now, hanging out the car and asking pedestrians where they could find the “town of SoHo” and “Washington Bridge” was just really amusing.

So over the GW Bridge and off to PA they go and there’s some boat rowing at Washington Crossing, tent building in Philly, and then chaos ensues with the Build It or Buggy it detour.

I’m peeved when the team of sisters comes in first because it just results in lots and LOTS of shrieking. They’re so excited about being in first, but have they not watched previous seasons of TAR before to know that coming in first on the first leg of the race means NOTHING? I’m doubly peeved when the Paolo Family isn’t the team to get eliminated. Instead the black Black family is the first team sent home. At least one more week of shrieking sisters and bickering Paolos. Bummer.

it’s whitefish, not herring

The season premiere of Curb was on Sunday night, and if you missed it, oh boy did you miss the return of one of the most ingenious comedies on television. Larry almost drowns and it makes him try to be more religious, but he ends up getting tossed out of temple for buying tickets from a scalper. A SCALPER? (Can someone please confirm for me that you actually have to buy TICKETS to attend a service at temple? I find the whole thing to be a little odd.) He spats with Richard Lewis over having a sandwich named after him at Leo’s Diner, and I just can’t wait to see the chaos that ensues when a) Ted Danson finds out that Larry stole his sandwich, and b) Leo finds out Larry's not really adopted.

run, hide or die

We kick off the fall with a recap of the first season of Lost. (Yes yes, I'm a few days behind, bear with me here) That’s to get the people who are weirdos and did not watch last season (WHICH btw, if you are one, need to go rent the first season and get yourself on the bandwagon) caught up to speed.

I’m not going to bother recapping the recap, because let’s face it, unless you’ve been watching, you’re just out of the loops and there’s just no easy way to understand all the complications of season one. I watched season one and I don’t even understand all of the complications. So NOW, on to the season premiere!

An underground hatch world is discovered and it turns out some guy’s got a sweet little bachelor pad goin’ on down there. Walt somehow ends up BACK on the island but Shannon’s the only one who sees him, and somehow there are like 10 times more survivors than I ever remember seeing in season one. Jack says no-go on entering the hatch, Lock says yes-go, and somehow Kate ends up being the first one lowered into and EATEN UP BY the hatch. Seriously, she just got sucked up by that thing. Apparently Locke goes in after her, and then of course Jack takes a turn at being the hero. I was totally creeped out by Jack exploring the underground hatch until that record player starts blasting some old school music (does anyone know what song that was? I liked it), then it’s just weird. They spend an obsessive amount of time flashbacking to Jack’s pre-Lost doctor life saving a woman from a car accident – the woman Sarah that he ends up MARRYING. And the homeboy who lives in the underground hatch, Jack KNOWS him? Man am I confused.

I’M the only diva at MY party

Slowly catching up on my tv backlog for the week (yes, spending my last day as a consultant wisely) and my comments so far:

Laguna beach – oh how I miss high school relationship dramas. And spring break in Cabo…oh wait, I never did that.
My Super Sweet 16 - Featuring “Bjorn” as a “divo” having a Sweet 16 party at the MALL was fab. Complete with red carpet and fashion show. Oh, and the chaos that breaks out when Bjorn’s outfit is late AND getting nauseous at his own party? Life is good.

Prison Break – Friggin’ creepy as hell. And massively confusing. But awesome and I am hooked. For the life of me I can’t figure out how this season is going to play out, and I love it.

Dancing with the Stars – Boy, is Kelly bitter. She came out with this “god I can’t believe I have to do this crap when I won already”-I’ve-got-a-stick-up-my-arse look on her face. Maybe that’s because she KNOWS she didn’t deserve to win the first time. And the LOOK on her face when Jay Peterman won the dance off? AWESOME. She.Was.Pissed.

The Apprentice Martha Stewart - Love it. Umm yeah, I have a slight crush on Howie because he was so cute reading Jack and the Beanstalk to the kids.

fall is upon us

Now that the new fall season of television has officially started, I am officially completely and totally backlogged in my tv watching. Yes, already. How quickly I went from tv draught to tv overload. I am DVRing way too many shows and have absolutely no time to watch all of it, being that I’ve hardly been home, and besides that, I am too busy allowing the Yankees to give me severe agita as they hang on for dear life and fight for a playoff spot. SO, hopefully next week while I am unemployed and vegetating on my couch all day, I can play catch up and be fully up to speed on fall tv so that I can blog to my fullest capabilities.

my favorite things

Did anyone catch the season premiere of Oprah? She’s got a snazzy new set for her show that she keeps referring to as a “theater.” Fancy. And all the ladies in the audience were screaming as though they were each getting a theater of their own. Relax people. I love Oprah just as much as you do, but seriously – SETTLE DOWN. Oh, Jennifer Aniston had great boots on. I freakin love that girl.

that bitch is going down!

I’m rather enthralled with this season of The OC so far. Whatever will they do now that Marissa and Ryan have gotten kicked out of Harbor High? This last episode reminded me of how much I enjoy the parts of the OC that actually focus on the part about the kids being in school. I mean really, Summer Roberts overthrowing Taylor Townsend as social chair and instituting mini burgers and mini dim sum at the carnival? You can’t buy that kind of entertainment.

I also rather enjoyed that slowed down rendition of California they played at the end of the episode when Marissa and Ryan walked out of the Kick Off Carnival being watched by their former schoolmates. I wonder if getting expelled is going to put a damper on their college applications. Are Ryan and Marissa really going to have sex next week?

Now I know a lot of people aren’t really into the awards show marathons, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy the Emmy’s last night. Aside from the obvious fashion parade that I enjoy watching so much, I don’t think you can even dream up the kind of amusement that is Donald Trump in overalls singing Green Acres with Karen Walker, or the Blue Man Group presenting the award for best reality show. Delighted to see Lost win for best drama series, but at the same time outraged that 24 continues to get snubbed.

On another note, I’m kind of pissed because I set my DVR to record that new show Reunion on Thursday night while I was in California, but apparently there was some special news coverage on instead and then they re-aired Reunion on Friday night but since I was still out on the West Coast I wasn’t able to sneak that into my DVR list. I wasn’t bright enough to set my DVR to record the whole series, instead I had only set it to record the one Thursday episode that never aired. Newman!

who wants to join a fantasy fashion league??

So I’m sitting on my JetBlue flight this morning on my way to California, and watching my little 6 inch DirectTV. I tune in to the Today show and there are all kinds of interesting segments as usual, but a couple points of interest:

1) There was a review of Fashion Week, and a clip of the Penn State Blue Band opening the Marc Jacobs fashion show. Go figure.
2) BY FAR the most fascinating thing I learn about is the following: www.fantasyfashionleague.com
GIRLS, WE HAVE TO DO THIS. Seriously. Anyone who is interested, please let me know. Whoever came up with this is absolutely INGENIOUS. How much do we love this idea? Evan Woo, while your sports obsessed husband is tracking his fantasy sports teams online, you too can be tracking your own fantasy team of fashionistas! Brilliant.

Okay, next up is Ellen. Entertaining as usual. Ellen and Gwenyth go door to door promoting Gwenyth’s new movie Proof. Imagine sitting in your living room minding your own business, the doorbell rings and it’s Gwenyth and Ellen?

After Ellen is over I then watch Martha. That’s right, the new daytime talk show of our very own Nutley native ankle-bracelet-free Martha. Her guest is “Diddy” which prompts her to tell us about how she got the nickname “M Diddy” while hanging out at some uhh, correctional facility. So, Diddy teaches Martha how to RAP, and then Martha teaches Diddy how to WRAP. Get it? Along with Diddy, I learned how to make “combed” wrapping paper, not to mention a really cool new way to wrap presents. Rather amusing to watch him do arts & crafts. Oh, there’s also some lady from the Rickshaw Dumpling House teaching us how to make dumplings. Even moreso than the art project, there’s something strangely entertaining about watching Sean Puffy-Puff Daddy-P Diddy-Diddy Combs try to wrap a dumpling. See, more wrapping. Notice a theme guys? Mmmm, dumplings. That part made me hungry so I had a bag of JetBlue Dorito Munchie mix after that.

Then came an assortment of SportsCenter, a repeat of the MTV VMAs, the Mets game, and The Wedding Story. Yeah hello six hour flight to California.

it's a doozie

You need to be watching Prison Break. Yeah, I’m talking to you. The show is fab. Super intense. And the main character is a hottie. A little psycho for bashing his head into the bars to make his cell mate “Haywire” look like an abusive loony, but a hottie nonetheless. That Haywire dude was giving me the creeps anyway with his googley eyes. So now hottie’s now got a gash on his face, and he’s missing a toe or two. Bummer. I’d like to see how the hell he plans on getting out of the jam of a mess he appears to get into next week when he finds out he’s being transferred and then goes running through the hollowed walls of the prison and out a chimney. And where does he think he’s going anyway? I though the whole point of the show was to escape WITH his brother? I bet he’d have a better chance of escaping if he had all his toes.

we've been on the run...

Thank the lord that the OC season has started again. Oh how I have missed this show. God bless fall television. I can’t see a better way to kick off a new job and a new life than with a new season of fabulous television.

So Trey is not dead, and I have to say that I’m a little disappointed in the producers for going with the soap opera-like effect of zooming in on Trey’s hand and showing the finger twitch. By the way, also kind of confused as to how quickly a comatose Trey was able to get himself out and about to escape from the hospital and get himself on a Vegas-bound bus. Medicine must do wonders these days. Also like how everyone’s solution on this show is to run away. Too bad the kids only got as far as climbing onto Jimmy’s boat before being caught up with.

But enough about Trey – what is the deal with Jeri Ryan as the I’m-obsessed-with-Kirsten fellow alcoholic? Is Kirsten going to spend the entire season in rehab? Is Charlotte a psychopath? Are Kirsten and Charlotte going to become lesbian lovers? And how many men’s fantasies were fulfilled seeing Rachel Bilson in a candy striper uniform? So many questions. It’s going to be a great season kids!

california...

OC tonite! A wonderful way to top off a wonderful day. The cast was on Ellen this morning. Adam Brody is adorable. And since when is Mischa Barton so tall? Or is Ellen just that short? Maybe both. I want Phantom Planet at my wedding.

Totally irrelevant to television, but I just wanted to share that I saw Coldplay on tuesday night and it was the BEST.SHOW.EVER. I just couldn't keep that to myself.

Oprah did a two part special this week on Hurricane Katrina. I cannot even understand the mass catastrophe that has been left behind down there. That bitch. (Katrina, not Oprah.) I hate when Oprah makes me cry.

lameness

Is this meant to be a total rip off of Dancing with the Stars?

http://www.realitytvworld.com/index/articles/story.php?s=1004477

How tragically awful.

the "real" OC

Did anyone happen to catch Regis & Kelly on Monday? Kristin from Laguna Beach was on claiming she didn't know Stephen had another girlfriend until she watched it on tv. And then they showed the clip of her trying to tell Jessica that Jason was cheating on her. Because Kristin is obviously soo good at noticing those kinds of things.

Speaking of, The OC starts up again on thursday -- woooohooooooooooooo!