the following takes place during lunch hour

work has been insanely busy so i haven't had much time to recap tv. however -- kiefer is the f-ing man. and i swear i'm going to have heart palpitations every single episode. cripes, i can't handle the stress! what a busy lunch hour. while i'm usually telling the lady at Hale and Hearty what i'd like in my salad and picking out a soup, kiefer is breaking up with Diane, dreaming about canoodling with Audrey, being taken into custody by the secret service, threatening to gouge the chief of staff's eye(s) out, and then conspiring with CTU from the president's "office."

which btw, where the HELL is it that the president is located right now anyway?? the first week i thought he was at the White House and there was just a blip in the logic of the show. then last week i realized he's actually in california somewhere, because they're somewhere in the vicinity of ctu. but what is this, some sort of super secret satellite branch of the white house? he's seemed awfully at home wherever he is. SO CONFUSED.

Kiefer vs. Bennifer Part II

did anyone aside from myself notice that there was a lot of purple being worn by the cast of Desperate Housewives at the SAG awards last nite? did anyone aside from myself even WATCH the SAG awards?

InStyle Celebrity Weddings is on tonite, at the same as 24. Set your DVRs accordingly.

superman wears jack bauer pj's

No real good tv comments today because a) I didn't watch any tv last nite, and b) I've been swamped at work. But to tide you over, my cousin passed along something rather entertaining for all the 24 fans out there:

http://www.notrly.com/jackbauer/index.php?topthirty

When you're done, click on the "Back to Facts" link at the bottom and you can vote on different facts and how much you like them, which is what ends up comprising the Top 30 list. Fun stuff.

smitten kitten

Recap of my tv watching last night:

Scrubs: If you did not watch the 100th episode of Scrubs in all its Wizard of Oz wonder, you suck, and I'm not even going to extend the courtesy of recapping it for you. get with the program.

The Bachelor Does Paris: Okay, Travis? HOT. I say that on a totally superficial level of course, as I haven't learned enough about his personality yet to judge him as a person. In any case:

Date #1: One-on-one date with Susan and they spend THREE HOURS driving around in a smart car trying to find Paris. Are you kidding me? Doesn't ABC have drivers and limos and helicopters and all kinds of other modes of transportation that could have been used to get hottie and susan to Paris, instead of shoving them in a tiny car with some maps and having them fend for themselves? Seriously. Susan does manage to score a rose, probably because a) she can act, and b) she's pretty hot herself.

Date #2: Five-on-one date on the French Riviera. I can't remember much from this date other than the fact that Moana totally pisses off all the girls, because once Travis takes his shirt off, I'm pretty much done for the night. Aside from the fact that I think his arm is bigger than my thigh, I can't take my focus away from his abs.

Date #3: Two-on-one camping trip. Now, can someone please tell me that I am not the only one that is convinced Canadian Sarah is COMPLETELY stoned ALL THE TIME? In the past couple of weeks, I thought maybe it was my imagination, but no really, she has got to be totally high all the time. I have no other way to explain her. Way to represent your country, Sarah.

AI: The theme of the day in San Fran is Randy and Paula ganging up on Simon, who is having an "off" day. Isn't every day an off day for Simon though? I think one of the highlights of the show was John, the Air force pilot who couldn't sing for SHIT but did a really funny "remix" thing, and overall he was one of those guys that really just sucked and you KNEW he sucked, but Randy let him through to Hollywood JUST to spite Simon! haha. And Evan, or should I say "Jayne," why didn't you tell us you were going to be on AI...and that you got really really bad extensions. hahaa. Next week -- Vegas, baby!

tv tidbits of the week

Did you guys hear that LB's Kristin Cavalleri is going to be co-hosting a show on UPN called Get this Party Started? Starts next month. You know I'll be watching. And when does The Hills start? Because I can't wait to see LC in all her glory. Do we think she's still dating Jason? Hmm, there's something for me to research...

The next season of the Apprentice is moving to Monday night. Which is fine, since the OC moved to 9pm anyway. And Las Vegas is moving from Monday to FRIDAY, which for all intents and purposes is a death sentence for Josh Duhamel's cute little self. such a shame.

Now I love American Idol very very much, but is 3 hours of AI a week really necessary? Although last night's sequence with one of the really awful contestants proclaiming that he learned to sing from Paula and Randy's DVD was pure entertainment, and clearly made Simon's entire lifetime. At what point does this show shrink back down to its normal one hour performance show and half hour results show? Because I do believe its all about moderation.

Dancing with the Stars has made me realize I'm a sucker for boy band members. Joey McIntyre was a joy to my life in the first season, and now I'm finding myself very much enjoying the presence of Drew Lachey on the show. Although I don't know if maybe it's just because I get a kick out of seeing Nick sitting in the audience with a silly grin plastered to his face rooting for his brother.

The Bachelor - I haven't watched this week's episode yet, but did anyone catch Krazy Kristin in last week's episode? You know, the girl with the outrageously curly hair who put a cut up orange peel in her mouth in the middle of her one-on-one date? Seriously, who does that? On a FIRST DATE. I don't think I would do that on a 50th date, much less on a first date that is being aired on NATIONAL TELEVISION. Who the hell screens these girls before letting them on the show anyway?

Does anyone know when the Olympics start? I want some winter olympics, dammit.

bizarre love triangle

it's 11AM in 24-time, and i am as always amazed at the advanced technology in use by CTU. Spencer is so in trouble. (though he was making great use of his sidekick -- seems to be all the rage on fox tv shows these days, they must have gottena bulk discount on them or something) and Chloe is so dumping his ass, even though he's really just a fake bad guy...for now anyway. i was hoping he was going to start crying at the end when he said he thought he was working for the president. he sounded like he wanted to, but then the camera cut away from him, so i didn't get t see if he did or not. did he really think he was working for the prez though? like, seriously?

pretty awkward love triangle involving audrey, diane and kiefer, no? i like that audrey. she started to irk me towards the end of season 4, but now i'm a fan. and diane is super whiny and hurts my ears, i think kiefer and audrey should totally start hooking up again.

oh, and evelyn? so getting fired soon. she is doing a god awful job of keeping an eye on crazy martha.

and on a side note - i don't care what anyone says, i love the OC this season. its not nearly as intense and dramatic as it was in earlier seasons, but i am very much enjoying the melodrama. the coopers living in a trailer park? very endearing.

beauties are not so beautiful

sorry kids, have not had a chance to watch much tv the past two evenings...but i did catch most of Beauty and the Geek last night, and i do think they must have had some trouble with the casting for this show. The so-called "Beauties" of the bunch were not really all that hot, but did at least have fun job titles such as "Beer Spokesmodel" and "Shot Girl" to go along with their mediocre looks and not so well equipped brains. The "Geeks" do hold up their end of the bargain though, and I'm fascinated with the asian kid that solved the rubiks cube in under 10 seconds during his karaoke performance. Nothing overly entertaining in this show to report so far though and i think the novelty of the show in general may have worn off...not that that will stop me from continuting to watch. I'll be catching up on my tv this weekend and will report back any suspicious findings!

still love it, five seasons later

Last night kicked off season FIVE of American Idol, beginning with auditions in Chicago, and although I'm sure there are people out there who are sooo tired of this show, I still love it to death. Two hours (which I'll admit, is a bit much, but I still enjoy every minute) of mostly ridiculous auditions. I'd be here all day trying to remember all the insanity, but a few memorable contestants to note:

- Crystal, the super fake baked 16 year old who Simon mocks for being orange, and quite frankly, I can't blame him. And she sounded like a dying parrot when she sang.
- "Yuliya" which I guess is ukranian for "Julia," and she can't sing for shit, but she does this super sexy rendition of Bohemian Rhapsody, and though she sounds insanely awful, her performance is enough to turn on the judges, even Paula. So much for that performers visa.
- Guy wearing Statue of Liberty costume who LITERALLY gets only TWO WORDS into his rendition of New York, New York before getting cut off and sent away by Simon. I was DYING.
- Crazy white guy who's name I can't remember, but spends most of his time jumping around and having what appear to be body spasms, as though he's been taken over by evil spirits. and for SOME reason I can't quite fathom, Randy and Paul decide to let him through to Hollywood. Simon is like WTF? And again, I can't say I blame him.
- We never see his actual audtion, but the guy with the bad blond bob in the striped shirt that kept falling asleep in the waiting area and started unconsciously feeling up the guy sitting next to him was hysterical.

Awful awful, hysterically funny stuff. As far as good auditions go, the only ones I remember and liked were the two sets of twins that auditioned. That's right, I'm a sucker for a gimmick. Tonight, on to Denver!

kiefer siting

As an addendum to my previous post, here's a funny write up about a recent Kiefer siting at Bloomberg studios -- it just really adds to the reason why i so love kiefer, because only he can get away with this:

http://www.gawker.com/news/stalker/gawker-stalker-kiefer-sutherland-makes-like-jack-bauer-at-bloomberg-studios-149057.php

Flank 2 position!

ohmygoodness. i don't even know where to begin...bear with me here. the INSANTY!!! yeah kids, 24 is back with a vengeance! Two nights, four hours, and it was sooo f-ing good. It’s 18 months later and Kiefer/Jack is now Frank Flynn, canoodling with a nice little lady played by Connie Britton and her IDIOT son Derek, and the IDIOT VP from last season is now officially the IDIOT president, when David Palmer gets assassinated writing his memoir. Oh sure, kill off the black guy in the first 10 minutes of the show -- pretty damn agressively too I might add, right in the throat. ouch. Michelle and Tony get blown up outside their home soon after, and bye-bye goes Michelle (what a shame, I bet the male portion of the audience was lovin her in her little tank top and tight-ass jeans the whole 4 minutes she got to be on the show this season), but Tony gets to stick around to make what I'm sure will be a miraculous 24-time recovery to partake in some of the debauchery. After all, what's a season of 24 without Kiefer and Tony in cohorts over stopping a terrorist attack?

Oh, and Chloe is sleeping with a boy who works for her by the name of Spencer, who I decided to research online because I think he's kinda cute. (But SPENCER? Did they have to name him SPENCER? Seriously now.) The actor is a guy named Jonah Lotan who hasn't been in anything I've ever heard of before. And that was the end of my research. Back to the show. umm yeah, so Palmer's dead, Michelle's dead, Tony's near dead, and Chloe escaped death and immediately calls Kiefer. I mean Frank. who I must say, in typical I'm-Jack-Bauer-nobody-fucks-with-me fashion, has apparently been brave enough to relocate himself back in the US in Southern California, even after being exiled to Mexico 18 months ago. I suppose that's less suspicious than trying to commute across the Mexico-US border everyday to his job at the oil rigs in Mojave.

Okay, so I of all people, fully understand and accept the need for unrealistic things to happen on television, in order to make good television such as 24. However, that being said, HOW is it possible that Kiefer spent as much time as he did AT the crime scene in the room with the computer having a full conversation with Palmer's little brother at NORMAL VOLUME without ANY of the 10s and 20s of FBI and secret service agents milling about in the same apartment noticing?!

Oh, and don't even get me started on the embarassing white house staff. Somebody please tell me that I'm not the only person who wants to throw things at my television every single time President Logan the Dimwit opens his mouth. And isn't he at the White House? And wasn't Palmer assasinated in LA? And since when is the White House located 15 miles from LA? And are we suprised that Dimsit's wife, First Lady Martha, is a NUTCASE?

whew. what a show. I'm sure I had lots more I wanted to comment on, such as how Kiefer was able to detonate a bomb from his Treo, 101 reasons why Derek is an idiot, how much I enjoy watching Sean Astin (aka Samwise Gamgee [thanks scott] - which incidentally, I've never actually seen any of the LOTR movies, but even I know that Sean Astin played one of those Hobbit dudes) torment Buchanan, and why I am sooooo happy that 24 and Kiefer are back in my life...but dude, four hours is a lot to try to retain in my memory. oh, and i have a real job that i get paid for that requires my attention as well. and that's a wrap (for now).

i love you kiefer

Kiefer Sutherland is the coolest flippin guy EVER. He was on Regis & Kelly yesterday, except it wasn't Regis & Kelly, it was Anderson & Kelly, but whatever. Kiefer is the only guy in the world I will let get away with wearing cowboy boots, and that's all there is to it. Do yourselves a favor and set those DVRs and TiVos to revord 24 this season. Four hours in two days, starting sunday night! Kiefer says these first four hours were designed to work like its own miniseries, and I bet its fab -- They showed a clip and apparently he was going by the name "Frank" down in Mexico. Frank! hahaa.. You are doing yourself a great injustice if you don't watch. Sunday night, starting at 8pm. WATCH IT.

Oh, and George Hamilton and Jerry Rice competing on Dancing with the Stars? So great. Even though the stupid live orchestra they have playing the music for their performances SUCK. The music is awful, the singing is awful...they are just...awful.

24! Sunday night! Monday night! Four hours!!!

a haircut, finally

Tons of interesting things in this week's episode of Lost, but I'm just caught up in the amusement that they finally gave Sawyer a haircut. He needed one badly! Aside from that...Mr. Eko's kind of crazy and demented, Charlie is hiding a backup stash of heroin-filled Virgin Marys, and Locke teaches Michael how to use a rifle, which is sooo gonna come back to bite him in the ass next week. And I'm pretty sure Michael's IM sessions with Walt are a bunch of hallucinations.

Tonight I encounter my first DVR conflict of 2006. My poor little DVR can only record two things at the same time, but OC and the season two premiere of Beauty and the Geek are both on at 9pm, which normally isn't a big deal, but Dancing with the Stars is on starting at 8pm until 9:30, SO that produces this stupid half hour interval that three things are on and I can only record two. oh, the drama...

i think we'd make hot little babies!

I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume that i am the ONLY person that even KNEW the season premiere of the Bachelor was on last night, much less watched it. But being the reality tv SUCKER that i am, yours truly did tune in to check out the latest. In a futile attempt to regain viewership, the abc producers have moved the show overseas to paris. And to prove just how desperate the producers are: http://www.friendster.com/user.php?uid=24430064 Our bachelor "Travis" actually has his own Friendster profile!!! Ohh the entertainment.

Not a bad looking guy, and smart and successful to boot. Can't wait to find out what about him is dynsfunctional. Because you KNOW there's something wrong with him if he's on this show. The girls are SO CHEESY. I hate them all already. Pretty standard Bachelor show material, mostly blonde, with a spattering of brunettes, a redhead and of course a token Asian girl (whose name is VENUS?!) and a token African-American (PRINCESS??). What's with the names this season? Venus? Moana? Jehan? Shiloh? Who ARE these people!??!

The chaos at the end when little miss i-want-to-reproduce didn't get a rose and wreaked havoc about reproduction was classic. That had to be staged. Did she not know she was going to be on national television? Who DOES that?!

My favorite part of the show was actually the snippets in the very beginning when they did the montage of all the past bachelor/bachelorettes. Hey remember when that 3rd string Giants QB Jesse Palmer was the bachelor? hehe. And whatever happened to Jerry Ferris, the hot Josh Duhamel lookalike? Wait, was he ever actually a bachelor or was he just the one that the one chick (the former Andrew Firestone fiancee who then got her own bachelorette show -- her name escapes me) picked and then dumped? oh, who can keep track anymore. This show is awful, but i CAN'T STOP WATCHING!!! It's like crack!

good times...

HAPPY NEW YEAR! That’s right, I’m back. I took a nice little holiday hiatus, but now I’m back and ready for action! Before I get back to the business of tv, I’d like to take a moment to digress and reflect on my holiday festivities. Okay, I really just want to talk about the ORANGE BOWL in MIAMI. Penn State Orange Bowl Champs!!! So what if the Rose Bowl game the following night totally stole our thunder? Being at the Orange Bowl and watching good ole State win in triple OT topped the charts as what is probably the most funnest football game I will ever be in attendance at in my life. Oh yeah, Miami was pretty cool too. There’s something funny about being at a club in South Beach (that’s right kids, cindy actually went to a club – so what if I showed up in a tshirt and sneakers?) and the entire place is full of nothing but Penn Staters. I like it. The top five things I learned on this trip:

5. There is something inherently wrong with being in a bathing suit on the beach in 80 degree weather on January 1st. But I still enjoyed every second of it.
4. The human body is not meant to spend 4 straight hours screaming its lungs out at a football game. Someday I will have my voice back (hopefully).
3. The human body is also not meant to consume high quantities of beer in a very short period of time. I think it’s still coming out of my pores.
2. If you need to go from relatively sober to stupid drunk in a very short amount of time, a shot of SoCo & Lime (or two) will do the trick. It sounded like a good idea at the time.
1. I appear to be completely incapable of attracting the attention of any guy over the age of twenty-five. 23 year olds though? I’m all over that.

And that, my friends, just about sums up my trip in a nutshell. Starting with my next post, you will be returned to my regularly scheduled tv blogging. (Though I reserve the right to digress and talk about other random happenings at any given time – it’s my blog, I can do whatever I want, alright?) Lots of shows to talk about! Scrubs is back, Dancing with the Stars is back, and soon 24 and Lost and American Idol will be back too! All hail to good tv. Cheers!