Time for a time out

The PWT wedding of Rob & Amber actually wasn’t THAT bad. I did sort of like her dress, but not her hair. Although it was really just two hours of nonsense. And not enough drama to justify having their wedding televised. However, Colin Cowie does have the best job ever.

That’s all I really have to say because a) I don’t think Rob & Amber’s wedding is worth spending any more time on than I already have, b) I have not watched the season finale of Lost yet, and c) I’m still recovering from an excessively active Memorial Day weekend that caused me to be hungover for two days so I’m too exhausted to think of witty things to write about anything, much less television.

My blog is going on vacation for a few days while I’m in California. But don’t worry, my DVR is set and ready to record several really bad reality shows that are starting this week so I will have plenty of material waiting when I get back. Time to pack.

Yes, I actually watched the whole thing.

We got three hours worth of AI in two nights. Competition night: Carrie and Bo get three songs each, and three phone numbers each. Journey through season four of AI, yadda yadda yadda.

Results night: Here’s where things get mildly entertaining. There is an opening act by the Final 12 minus Carrie and Bo that looks mysteriously like an Old Navy commercial. Mikalah got a crazy haircut and I got duped into thinking Anwar chopped his dreadlocks off because he was temporarily transformed into poor man’s Lenny Kravitz. The group singing still sounds pretty tragic, as they have not yet learned how to harmonize. They may want to work on that before they go on tour.

There’s a Bo Bice party hosted by a very drunk LaToya London in Alabama, and a Carrie Underwood party hosted by a very hyper Matt Rogers in Oklahoma. Some interviews with the judges and one of those really bad fake Ford commercials. They do the top 3 emotional moments of the auditions, which includes the girl who pawned her wedding ring for $200 to go to the auditions and the mom who passes out because her son made it to Hollywood. the drama.

I might have my sequence of events out of order here, but then there is a replay of what was possibly the most ridiculous AI audition ever – this girl singing the national anthem – the ENTIRE national anthem - and then the best part of this whole clip is that as it gets near the end of the anthem, the camera pans to the stage and THERE SHE IS, they actually got this girl to come to the Kodak Theater and sing the end of the anthem LIVE. Oh goodness that was entertaining. That girl has got cajones, let me tell you.

Carrie and Bo sing a song together and I think the band screwed up, but whatever. They do journey through Bo and Carrie’s AI lives, and you see how Carrie’s eyebrows have gotten progressively thinner and Bo has gotten progressively older.

They do the Top 10 worst audition and the highlight of this for me was seeing Leroy again. Can you dig it? There’s also a reeeeally bad fake “exposè” on Simon, which I suppose is meant to be a parody of the Corey Clark incident, but it really wasn’t funny at all and lasts much longer than necessary and turns out to be the biggest waste of tv airtime ever.

There is an “Idols singing with their idols” segment in which we see Rascal Flatts, Kenny G, George Benson, Lynyrd Skynyrd and some other people I don’t remember. What I do remember is that generally speaking, everyone sounded terrible and I can’t help but be sad for the people who are going to buy tickets to see them on tour this summer. Every time Mikalah comes onto my tv I get the serious chills. Man she creeps me out. That reminds me that there was another segment where she does interviews on the red carpet and I could barely watch her because she is so unbelievably irritating I wanted to throw my remote control at the tv.

In the midst of this unnecessarily long two hour finale there is a commercial for a new show coming out this summer on Fox called “So you think you can dance” which is for all intents and purposes AI for dancers. I CAN’T WAIT. The only thing better than watching people who can’t sing embarrass themselves on national tv is watching people who can’t dance embarrass themselves on national tv.

Finally, Carrie gets crowned as the new AI in her mermaid dress. Could they not do this sooner and made it a half hour elimination episode like the rest of them were? She’s like a blonde version of Kelly Clarkson, but cuter and less anorexic looking and more country sounding. Okay, I guess not very much like Kelly Clarkson at all. Let’s just hope there’s no “From Bo to Carrie” movie.

…you don’t know Jack.

I’m pretty much willing to forgive 24 for the abundance of plotholes this season after monday's riveting season finale. That and the fact that both Michelle and David Palmer use the same cell phone as me. However, that won't keep me from commenting on a few things. Okay, many things. I have a lot to comment on (it was a two hour show, what do you want from me?) and I clearly have nothing to do at work, so work with me here.

Could the warhead missile interception have been ANY more anticlimactic? All that for a tiny little *poof* in the air, that incidentally happens to be in the line of Keifer's sight at the time of interception? Yeah, okay. I'm still confused as to how they were able to spot it on the radar and shoot it down if it was so "stealth" (all that little gadget they found in Marwan's helicopter do was show CTU the missile's flight pattern, NOT see where it was in real-time) when they couldn't find the 50-times-as-big "stealth bomber" that shot down Air Force One - what the hell ever happened to poor man's Conan O'Brien anyway?

Oh Mandy, you came and you found me a turkey. Okay, that had nothing to do with anything, but I hear Mandy, and I think turkey. (10 points for anyone who has any idea why). I didn't realize female terrorists could be so cute (yet creepy all at the same time). You'd think a skirt that short would impede her from operating effectively. When I wear skirts like that I can barely walk, much less dropkick a guy who is trying to attack me while handcuffed behind the back (oh Tony, what were you thinking?). But I guess if you are going to bring back Mandy from the handshake-of-death season, might as well do it fashionably.

Man, has Audrey had a rough day or what? She gets kidnapped and almost killed, her brother gets tortured by CTU, her husband dies, her brother gets shot by Marissa Cooper, then has to break up with Keifer only to be told a few minutes later that he's been killed. I'd be ready to slit my wrists if I were her. Kind of like Erin Driscoll's crazy daughter.

I'm super impressed that aside from getting clipped in the arm by Marwan in the final hour, Curtis survived the whole day! Someone who I guess did NOT survive though is Behrooz, never did find out what happened to him. Maybe he'll be meeting Keifer at the border when he gets there. He can be Keifer's sidekick next season. Although now that Keifer is a fugitive and relocating to Mexico, does that mean he's going to change his name to Pedro and work for the Mexican government?

Did anyone else think it was STRANGE that after the elaborate scheme to fake Keifer's death (which btw, was somehow contrived in the span of about 3 minutes), Palmer was just standing around in the hallway talking OPENLY with Keifer on the phone? "HI JACK. Good to hear from you. I'm glad you MADE IT OUT OKAY. HEY EVERYONE, you hear that? JACK IS ALIVE!!" seriously. I thought it was supposed to be a secret, no? It seemed like in the last hour, the 24 writers were suddenly thinking "oh crap, we ran out of time" and had everything play out in warp speed to fit it all in. Because honestly, LA is not THATCLOSE to the border. So either Tony and Michelle drove Keifer out in a teleportation SUV, or Keifer has got one hell of a long walk to Mexico ahead of him. Though incidentally, he was walking east into the sunrise, and last I checked, Mexico was to the south.

The next season of 24: JANUARY 2006?!?! that blows. Do they seriously want me to wait more than half a year to watch this show again? Although I guess it will take them at least that long to figure out what the hell they are going to do now that Keifer is a Mexican. They are toying with my emotions here, which is REALLY rude after the emotional roller coaster that was the final 30 minutes of season 4.

I'll tell you one thing - if CTU is still part of the picture in season 5, those CTU agents should really work on their "perimeters," because they were not so good at it, for the record.

May Sweeps

I don’t tend to get too worked up over tv shows (sometimes), but I guess I had a moment of weakness because I sure had a good cry over the season finale of OC. I think that after waiting all season for it to happen, the Kirsten-the-drunkie storyline ended being a little more than I could handle, and I’ve never seen the Cohen household quite so serious.

As for Trey – whew, he’s had quite a rough season. First he gets tortured by CTU – almost twice, and then he gets shot in the back by Marissa Cooper…

For those of you who for some ghastly reason have NOT been watching the OC – now is your chance to catch up – during the off season, season two of the OC will be airing two episodes a week, 8 and 9pm on Thursday nights.

Btw, am I supposed to now believe that Dana/Zach is Mike the plumber’s son on Desperate Housewives? Zach creeps me the f#%* out. Although watching him beat Martha Huber’s sister over the head with a hockey stick was rather entertaining.

All these season finales, so sad to have all my shows ending, what the hell am I going to watch all summer?! (aside from baseball. and all those new really bad reality shows coming out.)

I gotta have more cowbell!!!

Did anyone happen to see Will Ferrell hosting SNL this past weekend? Funniest thing ever. Queens of the Stone Age was the musical guest and while they were performing, Will Ferrell comes out and does the cowbell. I almost died laughing.

For anyone who has never seen the original cowbell skit from the old school SNL days of Will Ferrell, Jimmy Fallon and Chris Kattan, it was quite possibly one of the best SNL skits ever, a true classic: http://mknx.com/v/cowbell.wmv

And on an unrelated note -- Britney & Kevin: Chaotic. OH MY GOODNESS that sucked.

Bye Bye Baby V

Seacrest opted against wearing a tie this week, we see trips home to Florida, Alabama, and Oklahoma, and there’s more singing – but this time it’s individual singing, I guess they couldn’t think of a song for them to sing as a trio. Fun and fabulous Vonzell gets sent packing, and I’m sort of sad, but not as sad as I want to be, because I had a sneaky suspicion it would be her. So it’s Carrie and Bo in the finale next week. I think Carrie is way too boring to be the next AI, however, unless Bo busts out with some U2 next week, I’m inclined to favor Carrie to win. Oh, who am I kidding, people LOVE Bo. Carrie is screwed.

Get the boy some Frizz-Ease

We’re down to three, and for the final three, we have THREE songs from each of them. Oye. But, it wasn’t nearly as painful as I thought it would be. Maybe because nobody really sucked. Or maybe because nobody I really hate is on anymore. who knows, but it was somewhat bearable.

Three songs apiece – one chosen by Clive Davis, one chosen by the contestant, one chosen by one of the judges and everyone gets two phone numbers. Vonzell and her pimp family were fabulous and fun, Bo and his frizzy hair stole everyone’s thunder by singing one of his songs a cappella, and Carrie’s non-personality actually showed just the slightest hint of personality last night. So who do you send home? Everyone sounded just fine to me, and if I had to pick a few weeks ago, I definitely would have wanted Bo to go home, but I have since accepted the fact that he’s quite the contender and everyone loves him and he’s just about guaranteed a spot in the finale and if he gets voted off tonight there will be the biggest AI riot ever.

I guess that means it’s between Carrie and Vonzell to go home, and I’m not even going to attempt to choose sides here. I have zero preference of who wins the competition this season. Maybe it will be George Huff. Did anyone notice him sitting in the audience last night?

plotholes galore

Okay, several things about the 4-5am hour of 24. First of all, Richard Heller. To me, he is Trey. And will always be Trey. I think he lives in Chino on both shows, quite frankly. Okay, that being said, let me move on to something way more bothersome. Now, I am, and have been all season long, willing to accept the many many plotholes that exist in the CTUniverse, because I realize that when all is said and done, it IS still a television show. Unexplained plotholes are one thing. Outright DEFYING something they JUST explained to us last week is another. So, I’m willing to accept the fact that the concept of a “stealth missile” is a crock of doody, as I’m told. I’m willing to accept the fact that nobody noticed this extra BIG ASS SUV in the so-called secured perimeter that allows Marwan to escape (AGAIN). On that note, I’m willing to accept that the missile that came out of nowhere to blow up an SUV didn’t come fast enough to create enough force to knock Keifer off his feet even though it flew by less than a few feet from him – he is Superman after all. I’m also willing to accept that the Chinese Consulate people suddenly backed off this week even though they were soooo eager to blame CTU last week. I’m even willing to accept the fact that this skinny little 105 pound girl (who reminds me a lot of Mandy from a previous season of 24, anyone remember her? Was that her?) managed to take down a CTU agent AND Tony (kind of ironic that Tony gets taken hostage by a terrorist henchlady less than half hour after making nice with Michelle and agreeing to leave the CTUniverse together).

HOWEVER, what I am NOT willing to accept, is that after wondering for WEEKS (or hours, if you prefer) why Secretary of Heller mysteriously disappeared with no mention, and them FINALLY explaining last week that he went back to DC while Audrey stayed behind to help CTU, the Secretary of Defense nonchalantly comes waltzing back into the holding room at CTU to see Trey!!! Now THAT, my friends, drives me batty. If they hadn’t told us last week that he returned to DC, I don’t think I would have minded us much seeing him resurface this week. I would have accepted the fact that maybe he’s been hanging out at the CTU cafeteria for the past few hours. Instead, last week we are told he went back to DC and this week he is back in LA. Hellooo lightening speed airplane or teleportation device. I mean, seriously. I think I rather would have believed he’s been scoping out the vending machines at CTU for the past few hours.

Whew, that was exhausting. I’m done venting. In summary, if you’re going have a plothole, leave it as a plothole so I can make up my own stories in my head. But don’t tell me one thing one week and then the next week, tell me the exact opposite. NOT COOL.

Anyway, 2 hour finale next week in which they attempt to make it look like Keifer is going to sacrifice Tony to save the country. Hmm. Maybe someone will shoot “Mandy” from behind and when the camera pans over it will be Nina Myers returned from the dead to save the day. or not.

Under the O Sea

The whole prom storyline – a little too predictable for me. That being said, I’m rather pleased with the whole thing, although I can’t really quite understand how Summer got to be prom queen when – and not that I don’t love her, because I do, but – the only person she talks to all year long are Marissa, Zach, Seth, and Ryan, WHO, might I add, in all likelihood, probably didn’t even VOTE for homecoming queen. And on that note, what are the chances that comic geek Zach was actually voted homecoming king alongside her? But whatever, it all worked out I suppose.

worst bachelor ever

Am I the only one that is still watching this awful awful season of the Bachelor? For anyone who is actually still watching besides me, can I say that making all three remaining girls have their overnight date with Charlie at the same place is BRILLIANT? And normally that “The Girls Tell all” episode before the finale is just plain awful, but let me tell you that last week’s was SO entertaining, I don’t even have words for it. I mean honestly, this Sara W girl – she is more amusing to watch than Kirsten from the Andrew Firestone edition, if anyone remembers that.

The finale tonight is THREE HOURS long. Seriously, if it weren’t for FF, I think I’d slit my wrists. Multiple times.

And of course I’m anxiously awaiting the premiere of “Britney and Kevin: Chaotic” on UPN tomorrow night. tv is great.