Time for a time out

The PWT wedding of Rob & Amber actually wasn’t THAT bad. I did sort of like her dress, but not her hair. Although it was really just two hours of nonsense. And not enough drama to justify having their wedding televised. However, Colin Cowie does have the best job ever.

That’s all I really have to say because a) I don’t think Rob & Amber’s wedding is worth spending any more time on than I already have, b) I have not watched the season finale of Lost yet, and c) I’m still recovering from an excessively active Memorial Day weekend that caused me to be hungover for two days so I’m too exhausted to think of witty things to write about anything, much less television.

My blog is going on vacation for a few days while I’m in California. But don’t worry, my DVR is set and ready to record several really bad reality shows that are starting this week so I will have plenty of material waiting when I get back. Time to pack.

Yes, I actually watched the whole thing.

We got three hours worth of AI in two nights. Competition night: Carrie and Bo get three songs each, and three phone numbers each. Journey through season four of AI, yadda yadda yadda.

Results night: Here’s where things get mildly entertaining. There is an opening act by the Final 12 minus Carrie and Bo that looks mysteriously like an Old Navy commercial. Mikalah got a crazy haircut and I got duped into thinking Anwar chopped his dreadlocks off because he was temporarily transformed into poor man’s Lenny Kravitz. The group singing still sounds pretty tragic, as they have not yet learned how to harmonize. They may want to work on that before they go on tour.

There’s a Bo Bice party hosted by a very drunk LaToya London in Alabama, and a Carrie Underwood party hosted by a very hyper Matt Rogers in Oklahoma. Some interviews with the judges and one of those really bad fake Ford commercials. They do the top 3 emotional moments of the auditions, which includes the girl who pawned her wedding ring for $200 to go to the auditions and the mom who passes out because her son made it to Hollywood. the drama.

I might have my sequence of events out of order here, but then there is a replay of what was possibly the most ridiculous AI audition ever – this girl singing the national anthem – the ENTIRE national anthem - and then the best part of this whole clip is that as it gets near the end of the anthem, the camera pans to the stage and THERE SHE IS, they actually got this girl to come to the Kodak Theater and sing the end of the anthem LIVE. Oh goodness that was entertaining. That girl has got cajones, let me tell you.

Carrie and Bo sing a song together and I think the band screwed up, but whatever. They do journey through Bo and Carrie’s AI lives, and you see how Carrie’s eyebrows have gotten progressively thinner and Bo has gotten progressively older.

They do the Top 10 worst audition and the highlight of this for me was seeing Leroy again. Can you dig it? There’s also a reeeeally bad fake “exposè” on Simon, which I suppose is meant to be a parody of the Corey Clark incident, but it really wasn’t funny at all and lasts much longer than necessary and turns out to be the biggest waste of tv airtime ever.

There is an “Idols singing with their idols” segment in which we see Rascal Flatts, Kenny G, George Benson, Lynyrd Skynyrd and some other people I don’t remember. What I do remember is that generally speaking, everyone sounded terrible and I can’t help but be sad for the people who are going to buy tickets to see them on tour this summer. Every time Mikalah comes onto my tv I get the serious chills. Man she creeps me out. That reminds me that there was another segment where she does interviews on the red carpet and I could barely watch her because she is so unbelievably irritating I wanted to throw my remote control at the tv.

In the midst of this unnecessarily long two hour finale there is a commercial for a new show coming out this summer on Fox called “So you think you can dance” which is for all intents and purposes AI for dancers. I CAN’T WAIT. The only thing better than watching people who can’t sing embarrass themselves on national tv is watching people who can’t dance embarrass themselves on national tv.

Finally, Carrie gets crowned as the new AI in her mermaid dress. Could they not do this sooner and made it a half hour elimination episode like the rest of them were? She’s like a blonde version of Kelly Clarkson, but cuter and less anorexic looking and more country sounding. Okay, I guess not very much like Kelly Clarkson at all. Let’s just hope there’s no “From Bo to Carrie” movie.

…you don’t know Jack.

I’m pretty much willing to forgive 24 for the abundance of plotholes this season after monday's riveting season finale. That and the fact that both Michelle and David Palmer use the same cell phone as me. However, that won't keep me from commenting on a few things. Okay, many things. I have a lot to comment on (it was a two hour show, what do you want from me?) and I clearly have nothing to do at work, so work with me here.

Could the warhead missile interception have been ANY more anticlimactic? All that for a tiny little *poof* in the air, that incidentally happens to be in the line of Keifer's sight at the time of interception? Yeah, okay. I'm still confused as to how they were able to spot it on the radar and shoot it down if it was so "stealth" (all that little gadget they found in Marwan's helicopter do was show CTU the missile's flight pattern, NOT see where it was in real-time) when they couldn't find the 50-times-as-big "stealth bomber" that shot down Air Force One - what the hell ever happened to poor man's Conan O'Brien anyway?

Oh Mandy, you came and you found me a turkey. Okay, that had nothing to do with anything, but I hear Mandy, and I think turkey. (10 points for anyone who has any idea why). I didn't realize female terrorists could be so cute (yet creepy all at the same time). You'd think a skirt that short would impede her from operating effectively. When I wear skirts like that I can barely walk, much less dropkick a guy who is trying to attack me while handcuffed behind the back (oh Tony, what were you thinking?). But I guess if you are going to bring back Mandy from the handshake-of-death season, might as well do it fashionably.

Man, has Audrey had a rough day or what? She gets kidnapped and almost killed, her brother gets tortured by CTU, her husband dies, her brother gets shot by Marissa Cooper, then has to break up with Keifer only to be told a few minutes later that he's been killed. I'd be ready to slit my wrists if I were her. Kind of like Erin Driscoll's crazy daughter.

I'm super impressed that aside from getting clipped in the arm by Marwan in the final hour, Curtis survived the whole day! Someone who I guess did NOT survive though is Behrooz, never did find out what happened to him. Maybe he'll be meeting Keifer at the border when he gets there. He can be Keifer's sidekick next season. Although now that Keifer is a fugitive and relocating to Mexico, does that mean he's going to change his name to Pedro and work for the Mexican government?

Did anyone else think it was STRANGE that after the elaborate scheme to fake Keifer's death (which btw, was somehow contrived in the span of about 3 minutes), Palmer was just standing around in the hallway talking OPENLY with Keifer on the phone? "HI JACK. Good to hear from you. I'm glad you MADE IT OUT OKAY. HEY EVERYONE, you hear that? JACK IS ALIVE!!" seriously. I thought it was supposed to be a secret, no? It seemed like in the last hour, the 24 writers were suddenly thinking "oh crap, we ran out of time" and had everything play out in warp speed to fit it all in. Because honestly, LA is not THATCLOSE to the border. So either Tony and Michelle drove Keifer out in a teleportation SUV, or Keifer has got one hell of a long walk to Mexico ahead of him. Though incidentally, he was walking east into the sunrise, and last I checked, Mexico was to the south.

The next season of 24: JANUARY 2006?!?! that blows. Do they seriously want me to wait more than half a year to watch this show again? Although I guess it will take them at least that long to figure out what the hell they are going to do now that Keifer is a Mexican. They are toying with my emotions here, which is REALLY rude after the emotional roller coaster that was the final 30 minutes of season 4.

I'll tell you one thing - if CTU is still part of the picture in season 5, those CTU agents should really work on their "perimeters," because they were not so good at it, for the record.

May Sweeps

I don’t tend to get too worked up over tv shows (sometimes), but I guess I had a moment of weakness because I sure had a good cry over the season finale of OC. I think that after waiting all season for it to happen, the Kirsten-the-drunkie storyline ended being a little more than I could handle, and I’ve never seen the Cohen household quite so serious.

As for Trey – whew, he’s had quite a rough season. First he gets tortured by CTU – almost twice, and then he gets shot in the back by Marissa Cooper…

For those of you who for some ghastly reason have NOT been watching the OC – now is your chance to catch up – during the off season, season two of the OC will be airing two episodes a week, 8 and 9pm on Thursday nights.

Btw, am I supposed to now believe that Dana/Zach is Mike the plumber’s son on Desperate Housewives? Zach creeps me the f#%* out. Although watching him beat Martha Huber’s sister over the head with a hockey stick was rather entertaining.

All these season finales, so sad to have all my shows ending, what the hell am I going to watch all summer?! (aside from baseball. and all those new really bad reality shows coming out.)

I gotta have more cowbell!!!

Did anyone happen to see Will Ferrell hosting SNL this past weekend? Funniest thing ever. Queens of the Stone Age was the musical guest and while they were performing, Will Ferrell comes out and does the cowbell. I almost died laughing.

For anyone who has never seen the original cowbell skit from the old school SNL days of Will Ferrell, Jimmy Fallon and Chris Kattan, it was quite possibly one of the best SNL skits ever, a true classic: http://mknx.com/v/cowbell.wmv

And on an unrelated note -- Britney & Kevin: Chaotic. OH MY GOODNESS that sucked.

Bye Bye Baby V

Seacrest opted against wearing a tie this week, we see trips home to Florida, Alabama, and Oklahoma, and there’s more singing – but this time it’s individual singing, I guess they couldn’t think of a song for them to sing as a trio. Fun and fabulous Vonzell gets sent packing, and I’m sort of sad, but not as sad as I want to be, because I had a sneaky suspicion it would be her. So it’s Carrie and Bo in the finale next week. I think Carrie is way too boring to be the next AI, however, unless Bo busts out with some U2 next week, I’m inclined to favor Carrie to win. Oh, who am I kidding, people LOVE Bo. Carrie is screwed.

Get the boy some Frizz-Ease

We’re down to three, and for the final three, we have THREE songs from each of them. Oye. But, it wasn’t nearly as painful as I thought it would be. Maybe because nobody really sucked. Or maybe because nobody I really hate is on anymore. who knows, but it was somewhat bearable.

Three songs apiece – one chosen by Clive Davis, one chosen by the contestant, one chosen by one of the judges and everyone gets two phone numbers. Vonzell and her pimp family were fabulous and fun, Bo and his frizzy hair stole everyone’s thunder by singing one of his songs a cappella, and Carrie’s non-personality actually showed just the slightest hint of personality last night. So who do you send home? Everyone sounded just fine to me, and if I had to pick a few weeks ago, I definitely would have wanted Bo to go home, but I have since accepted the fact that he’s quite the contender and everyone loves him and he’s just about guaranteed a spot in the finale and if he gets voted off tonight there will be the biggest AI riot ever.

I guess that means it’s between Carrie and Vonzell to go home, and I’m not even going to attempt to choose sides here. I have zero preference of who wins the competition this season. Maybe it will be George Huff. Did anyone notice him sitting in the audience last night?

plotholes galore

Okay, several things about the 4-5am hour of 24. First of all, Richard Heller. To me, he is Trey. And will always be Trey. I think he lives in Chino on both shows, quite frankly. Okay, that being said, let me move on to something way more bothersome. Now, I am, and have been all season long, willing to accept the many many plotholes that exist in the CTUniverse, because I realize that when all is said and done, it IS still a television show. Unexplained plotholes are one thing. Outright DEFYING something they JUST explained to us last week is another. So, I’m willing to accept the fact that the concept of a “stealth missile” is a crock of doody, as I’m told. I’m willing to accept the fact that nobody noticed this extra BIG ASS SUV in the so-called secured perimeter that allows Marwan to escape (AGAIN). On that note, I’m willing to accept that the missile that came out of nowhere to blow up an SUV didn’t come fast enough to create enough force to knock Keifer off his feet even though it flew by less than a few feet from him – he is Superman after all. I’m also willing to accept that the Chinese Consulate people suddenly backed off this week even though they were soooo eager to blame CTU last week. I’m even willing to accept the fact that this skinny little 105 pound girl (who reminds me a lot of Mandy from a previous season of 24, anyone remember her? Was that her?) managed to take down a CTU agent AND Tony (kind of ironic that Tony gets taken hostage by a terrorist henchlady less than half hour after making nice with Michelle and agreeing to leave the CTUniverse together).

HOWEVER, what I am NOT willing to accept, is that after wondering for WEEKS (or hours, if you prefer) why Secretary of Heller mysteriously disappeared with no mention, and them FINALLY explaining last week that he went back to DC while Audrey stayed behind to help CTU, the Secretary of Defense nonchalantly comes waltzing back into the holding room at CTU to see Trey!!! Now THAT, my friends, drives me batty. If they hadn’t told us last week that he returned to DC, I don’t think I would have minded us much seeing him resurface this week. I would have accepted the fact that maybe he’s been hanging out at the CTU cafeteria for the past few hours. Instead, last week we are told he went back to DC and this week he is back in LA. Hellooo lightening speed airplane or teleportation device. I mean, seriously. I think I rather would have believed he’s been scoping out the vending machines at CTU for the past few hours.

Whew, that was exhausting. I’m done venting. In summary, if you’re going have a plothole, leave it as a plothole so I can make up my own stories in my head. But don’t tell me one thing one week and then the next week, tell me the exact opposite. NOT COOL.

Anyway, 2 hour finale next week in which they attempt to make it look like Keifer is going to sacrifice Tony to save the country. Hmm. Maybe someone will shoot “Mandy” from behind and when the camera pans over it will be Nina Myers returned from the dead to save the day. or not.

Under the O Sea

The whole prom storyline – a little too predictable for me. That being said, I’m rather pleased with the whole thing, although I can’t really quite understand how Summer got to be prom queen when – and not that I don’t love her, because I do, but – the only person she talks to all year long are Marissa, Zach, Seth, and Ryan, WHO, might I add, in all likelihood, probably didn’t even VOTE for homecoming queen. And on that note, what are the chances that comic geek Zach was actually voted homecoming king alongside her? But whatever, it all worked out I suppose.

worst bachelor ever

Am I the only one that is still watching this awful awful season of the Bachelor? For anyone who is actually still watching besides me, can I say that making all three remaining girls have their overnight date with Charlie at the same place is BRILLIANT? And normally that “The Girls Tell all” episode before the finale is just plain awful, but let me tell you that last week’s was SO entertaining, I don’t even have words for it. I mean honestly, this Sara W girl – she is more amusing to watch than Kirsten from the Andrew Firestone edition, if anyone remembers that.

The finale tonight is THREE HOURS long. Seriously, if it weren’t for FF, I think I’d slit my wrists. Multiple times.

And of course I’m anxiously awaiting the premiere of “Britney and Kevin: Chaotic” on UPN tomorrow night. tv is great.

Where exactly IS Palau anyway?

It was the Survivor Finale last night, I tuned in just in time to see the final tribal council and was disappointed to see Ian wasn’t in the final two, and I don’t really know exactly what happened that he got voted out – someone enlighten me. I was rooting for him, not really for any reason other than the fact that he is a penn stater like me, and he is a dolphin trainer – how fun is that? But, I’m not mad, because I liked Tom too, and was glad to see the firefighter from NY win the big prize. Is it just me, or was that a Katie stunt double in the live finale? She didn’t look anything like the girl that was getting totally slaughtered during the final tribal council.

Ben, where are you?

Every time I saw Paul Hamm on my tv screen last night, I felt like screaming at the cameramen: “Follow him to the bathroom!!!” Thanks Ben. Between all the hooplah at Webster Hall and Chelsea Piers, I don’t know how you did not somehow manage to end up on camera. You need to hang out outside Webster Hall more often.

In any case, I was somehow duped into thinking last night was the finale and was pissed off when I realized it was almost over and they weren’t going to end the misery and let us find out who was going to be the first female Trump lackey. As much as I thought she was an annoying little snotface all season, I found Kendra to be somewhat endearing last night and would like her to win. Tanna screwed up just a few too many things and I do believe that not finishing college is going to come back and bite her in the butt. I think going for three years and then quitting is worse than if she hadn’t gone at all.

Oh, and the Playstation rep threatening to pull their sponsorship? yeah, as if. In the end, all the sponsors and everyone in general -- including her "employees" -- seemed to love her, so unless I totally missed something, I think Kendra has got this in the bag. Aside from guitar boy f-ing up the meeting with the sponsors, the event went rather smoothly, whereas over at Chelsea Piers…botched programs, condescending employees in front of Carolyn, the governor ratting on her about the missing American flag and her annoying personality in general… Back to Iowa you go, Tanna.

(Watch me be totally wrong next week.)

those fake Ford commercials suck

Why does Seacrest get all dressed up for the elimination show every week but dress like a bum during performance nights? Last night, there is a really bad group country song, and recap of the final four’s first auditions which showcases the fact that everyone looks like they’ve aged about 8 years between that first audition and last night’s episode. Bo’s frizzy hair is safe. Carrie’s non-personality is safe. Vonzell and her pimp family is safe. So at long last, Anthony and his awful dance moves go home.

But now that I’m looking at who the final three are, I find myself actually wishing that Scott Savol were still in the competition, because at least he provided some entertainment value. Unless Bo Bice busts out with some U2 during the finale and sounds better than Bono, this could end up being the most boring and anti-climactic end to an AI season ever.

now they can make babies!

It’s down to the final three teams, and what a race! Teams go from London to Jamaica, do a limbo roadblock, and then a build-a-raft detour which Ron & Kelly suck at, allowing Uchenna & Joyce catch up. Rob & Amber’s taxi got pulled over by the cops and I laughed, but then Uchenna & Joyce get a flat tire and I don’t laugh. Ron & Kelly end up at the first pit stop first and Uchenna & Joyce end up last and get all their money and stuff stripped from them and I am sad because Rob & Amber had never had their money and stuff taken away from them. Then there’s some onion chopping task which looks like a really sucky chore, a golf detour in which I learn everyone sucks at golf except for Uchenna. And is it really necessary to show Rob stripping down to his underwear when he changes in and out of his golf clothes? Team Survivor get on the first flight to Puerto Rico which they are smug about as usual, Ron & Kelly on a later flight, and then Uchenna & Joyce are on an even later flight. Lucky for us, the sugar place they have to go to doesn’t open til the next morning, which allows for bunching so everyone can catch up and be all tied for first again. Then there is some jumping-off-the-bridge roadblock, but Rob & Amber can’t find the bridge because they’re too busy being full of themselves. But then they somehow catch up on the highway on the way to the airport because Rob drives like a maniac, Ron & Kelly fall behind because Kelly can’t tell left from right, and Team Survivor sneak on to an earlier flight and are all smug again until somehow Uchenna & Joyce manage to weasel their way onto the same flight, which greatly un-smugs Rob & Amber. Ron & Kelly end up on a later flight and that pretty much counts them out of winning the race because there are no more bunching opportunities. Rob & Amber can’t find the cigar shop because they are not thinking in Spanish so off Uchenna & Joyce go to the finish line in Ft. Lauderdale! For a minute, they try to make you believe that Uchenna & Joyce are going to lose because they spend so much time begging for money to pay the cab driver. But alas, Team Survivor is still looking for that damn cigar shop and the only team of the remaining three that I didn’t hate wins the million! Quote of the race, by Uchenna, upon winning: “Invitro here we come, and if that doesn’t work, adoption!” umm, yeah – TMI. But either way, thank goodness they won because I think I would have slit my wrists if Rob & Amber won. Oh yeah, and they don’t even show Ron & Kelly looking for the cigar shop, they were that far behind. I wonder if they’ll do a Dr. Phil special on these two also.

The next season of TAR – the FAMILY edition!

Can we replace Anthony with Jasmine?

I noticed lots of cameos by former AI contestants last night. I spotted Mikalah, John Stevens, Latoya London and Jasmine Trias. There may have also been some others that I missed as a result of my fast forward trigger finger. Not sure what they were all doing there other than to longingly wish it were them on stage instead of the non-super-star contestants currently competing.

There are two themes again, which I just find unnecessary. First is the country music theme (slight advantage, Carrie?) and the “city music” theme, i.e. songs from Gamble & Huff. I wonder if there’s any relation to George Huff from last season.

First up, Carrie singing Dixie Chicks is pretty much a shoo-in to the final 3, since this is totally her “thing,” even though I seem to think she doesn’t have much of a personality to speak of. Judges didn’t love her city song, and I can see why, it was rather boring and showcased her non-personality.

Next up, Bo. He puts a rock twist on some country song, and I’m not a fan at all. But that’s not new, I have never been a fan of his. Then he sings the theme from the Apprentice, and I completely hate this song, but everyone loved it and loves him for some reason.

As for Vonzell…the country thing really did not work out so well, but apparently she had a “rough day” for reasons I’m still trying to uncover, and I think it was enough to garner enough sympathy votes to keep her around. By the way, did anyone notice that all the male members of her family, especially her dad, were dressed like pimps?

Anthony – oh please America, send this kid home already. I just can’t stand to watch him and his lack of personality anymore. And what’s with him singing the same song as Carrie? That tells me one of two things: a) Gamble & Huff’s collection of music isn’t very impressive, or b) the AI producers deliberately pit the two contestants with the least personality against each other to see if one could out-bore the other.

All that being said, I’ve heard rumors from AI fanatics that whoever performs last has never been eliminated from a non-finale episode on AI, which MEANS that Anthony would be safe if that theory is correct, so I am hoping with all my might that they prove that theory wrong tonite. Something about people being most likely to vote for the person who goes last because it’s the last thing they see and remember before the phone lines open for voting. Sounds like a crock of doody to me, but what do I know. I stopped voting after Anwar got sent home.

stop lying to the chinese people!

For what I believe is the first time since the inception of this show, Keifer actually admits he’s not okay when asked by Buchanan how he is doing. Usually the response to the question “are you okay?” is a very angry “I’m FINE!” from Keifer. He’s human after all. maybe. Chloe gets called out on her “personality disorder” and does a great job of backing up the accusation. Gee Keifer, isn’t that going to be awkward talking to your soon-to-be ex-girlfriend whose husband you, for all intents and purposes, just killed? Haha, way to be the inappropriate potato face we’ve all come to love yet hate all at once.

Okay, I can see why Audrey is one angry beyatch right now, but how quickly she forgets that Keifer saved her and her dad’s life just a few short hours ago. But why has Audrey taken up residence at CTU anyway? At what point did her dad leave LA and not tell anyone? Where is Behroos? And why is poor man’s Richard Nixon getting all angry now at Palmer’s actions even though he is the one who is an incompetent little monkey in the first place?

And after 21 hours worth of failed attempts, they finally find Mar(i)juan(a). Pretty convenient that he managed to stay one step ahead of CTU for 22 continuous hours, but 2 hours before the end of the season, he’s suddenly caught up to. I wonder where that warhead missile is headed. Probably to the land of able-to-be-intercepted-by-CTU. Or maybe toward the Chinese Consulate. haha, wouldn’t that be ironic.

Next week on 24: The return of Richard Heller, or Trey, as we have more recently come to know him. So he WAS in on the terrorism! I wonder how he grew his hair back that fast. And we’re quickly running out of time for a Kim & Chase cameo.

a reality-filled summer

Okay, I watched the “Fallen Idol” special. That Corey Clark sure is a putz. Did anyone happen to see SNL this weekend? That show has been in the dumps but there was a semi-entertaining cameo by Paula Abdul as she watched herself be made fun of by Amy Poehler.

Unfortunately I did not see Randy Jackson on Letterman last week, anyone who did, please report back and let me know what I missed.

CBS has decided to compete with NBC’s reality fixation and do four new reality shows of its own for the summer:
- Big Brother 6: I cannot believe that enough people are still watching this that they are coming out with a SIXTH edition that is going to air THREE nights a week. Overkill, anyone?
- Rock Star: INXS: AI for rockers. I think this was the show Constantine and Bo were supposed to be on.
- The Cut: A copy cat version of Project Runway, but featuring Tommy Hilfiger.
- Fire Me…Please: Contestants actually competing to see who can get fired first. I totally could have won if I were on this show.

Also, I think a new Survivor will also be starting this summer. I tried desperately to follow along with the Palau edition, but after watching Ulong get beaten to a pulp over and over again, I got bored and stopped watching.

And over on Fox – Hell’s Kitchen, featuring wannabe Wolfgang Pucks being tortured by chef Gordon Ramsey.

Oh, and who can forget – in just two weeks, the PWT wedding of Rob & Amber!

Double Dose of OC

Woohooo, two hours of OC! Ahhh, Kirsten the alcoholic. Finally the story comes to surface, but I didn’t mean for it to end like THAT. I’m glad to see from the previews for next week though that she seems to be fine. That was quite a messy little accident she got herself into, it was actually impressive to see her up and about in the previews. No coma or anything. I can’t believe it took them until three episodes before the end of the season before pointing out the drinking though.

So let’s see… Kirsten and Carter…Summer and Zach…Cohen and random hick girl in SoBe…and then Marissa has to go and ruin the pattern and not give in to Trey. Although they’ve created a spiffy little mess anyway, given the weird trapezoid romance with Tray, Ryan, Marissa, and druggie girl from the pool (no clue what her name is). There’s also some weird trapezoid romance drama with Seth, Zach, Summer and Reed. I am pissed that Cohen was dumb dumb dumb enough to screw things up with Summer. Again. Not to mention the Julie Cooper mess. And lord knows whatever disasters I’m not thinking of. And only two more episodes to straighten some of these messes out. Oh, and who doesn’t love the return of the Nana? Whew, this is great television!

Fallen Idol

I very much hate that their group song this week was Bridge Over Troubled Water because a) it is one of the best Simon & Garfunkel songs ever, AND b) some of you may remember our very own Clay Aiken performing it last season and sounding AWESOME, so any way you cut it, this was just majorly disappointing and awful, as is almost every time they sing a group song.

The Seacrest switcheroo was fabulous – sending the bottom two to the couch and letting Scotty think he was safe. HAHA! I love it. I laughed like crazy when Scott got sent to the couch because I KNEW he was sooo happy but he didn’t pay more attention to the wording Seacrest used – he NEVER said “you’re safe.” He just said “go sit on the couch.” And making him and Anthony sing before they find out if they are going home? Waste of airtime. ESPECIALLY when it meant having to listen to Anthony sing Backstreet Boys again. Thank goodness for fast forward.

But in any case, it was Anthony’s birthday and APPARENTLY, that means he gets to stay one more week. Bye bye wife beater, it was fun while it lasted.

Oh yeah, did anyone watch the Primetime special on AI last nite? I DVRed it, haven’t watched yet, but if anyone has, let me know if it’s worth my time or not.

Why does everyone still keep talking about Constantine?

So last night on AI there were TWO themes, first Leiber & Stoller, and then the current Billboard Top 100. Basically, first they sing an old song, and then they sing a new song. Meaning everyone sings twice. so not necessary.

Anthony sang something about poison ivy and calamine lotion. And then completely butchered a Backstreet Boys song that I already don’t like, making it sound tragically worse than it already is. Oh blonde Harry Potter, you are so going home.

Our resident wife beater Scott sang “On Broadway” which I will admit I rather enjoyed. But then he sang what I believe was Brian McKnight and I rather DIDN’T enjoy it. And he talked about his “Fashion Coordinator.” I KNEW they didn’t pick out their own outfits!

Vonzell did her cutesy act again, but sadly I only don’t really remember how she sounded, it was probably good, and sang what is apparently the #1 song on the billboard charts this week, an AMERICAN IDOL song. Which I have never heard before. It must have been one of those really bad group singing things that I fast forwarded through.

Our resident druggie Bo sang an obvious crowd favorite, Stand By Me, which I don’t really think is fair. I mean really, is ANYone going to argue against that? And then he sang the very overplayed Los Lonely Boys, but it least it was a song that people recognized.

Carrie was a superstar this week. And her hair looks much better when her stylist doesn’t make it all big and poofy. If she’s not in the finale, well, I just don’t know.

Anthony must go home tonite. I refuse to accept any other outcome.

reality tidbits

Constantine “creepy-eyes” Maroulis was on Regis & Kelly AND Ellen yesterday, singing the same creepy song on both shows. That boy is getting way too much airtime.

Word on the street is that ABC’s American Idol exposè, called “Fallen Idol,” is airing Wednesday night this week after the AI elimination episode. Everyone should watch and see if the supposed affair between Paula and Corey Clark (season two contestant) is as scandalous as we want it to be.

Oh, and NBC is coming out with 6, that’s right count ‘em – SIX – new reality shows this summer:
- I Want To Be a Hilton: Paris’ mom, Kathy, hosts a competition for celebrity wannabes to live like the Hiltons for a year. I wonder if the prize involves making porn videos with Paris.
- The Joes Strike Back: another Average Joe show where a hottie dates “regular” looking guys. Yeah, cuz this show worked out so well the first time they did it.
- The Law Firm: Lawyers trying real court cases and competing against each other – created by David E. Kelly, creator of Ally McBeal, The Practice, LA Law… I see a theme here.
- Meet Mister Mom: some Wife Swap-like show where the moms get to go on vacation while the dads suffer at home with the kids. Equal Opportunity.
- The Biggest Loser 2: Okay, not a new show, just another season of people trying to lose weight while being tempted by mountains of cupcakes. Awful.
- Tommy Lee Goes to College: uhh, yeah exactly what it sounds like. These poor kids at the University of Nebraska are gonna have no idea what hit them.

Nothing like a summer wasted in front of the tv.

No Chloe, you’re not psycho at all

Oh Keifer, look what you’ve done now. I guess it’s time to say bye-bye to Audrey, after what I must say was a thrilling piece of acting by both Keifer and his soon-to-be-ex-girlfriend in the last five minutes. We all knew it was only a matter of time before Audrey was cut loose anyway. I just don’t get why, if they would go through all the trouble of setting up a medical facility and operating room in the middle of CTU, why wouldn’t they bother to staff it with more than one surgeon…say, two?

Chloe didn’t waste any time continuing the Potato Face-Mr. Potato Head drama as soon as she got back to CTU, and the Tony & Michelle soap opera has got to stop. If they’re not gonna go get it on under the staircase, then there is just no point to the storyline.

Btw, how is it possible that Keifer has YET to learn to put his phone on vibrate? And is it absurdly wrong that I thought the whole mini-plot with the Chinese guy being part of the terrorist attack was completely hysterical? Yeah, let’s drag the Chinese into this big ugly mess why don’t we. And then get the Chinese consulate KILLED to add to the drama. No love for the Chinese.

But, it’s nice to have Palmer back in the White House. Poor man’s Richard Nixon was about as useful as a vegetable.

Next week on 24: Keifer tries to convince Audrey to not hate him. ha, good luck with that one.